Ryan Saunders crushed up 200 tablets and mixed them into a bottle of blackcurrant.

His plan was to go out somewhere on his own, drink the “cocktail” and bring his life to an end.

He believes he would have gone ahead with his suicide had it not been for an email read by a Broadacres Housing Officer, but before we can continue with Ryan’s story, it’s important to start at the beginning.

In 2019, Ryan took the decision to move from his home in Somerset to Northallerton.

His partner Julia is from Northallerton and the plan was to move their family to North Yorkshire so they could be closer to her family.

They were put on a waiting list for a Broadacres home and were delighted when they were told a three-bedroom property in the centre of town had been allocated to them.

Unfortunately, the move was put on hold when asbestos was discovered during a survey and that it would need to be removed before the family could move in.

Until the work was done, as there were no properties big enough for the family to live in temporarily, Julia moved into her mum’s house in Northallerton with their oldest child, whilst Ryan and their youngest child moved in with Julia’s sister in Yafforth.

Being separated like this would be hard enough on anybody but when you are someone with a mental illness like Ryan, it was even more difficult.

Living in a strange house with a small child and in-laws he was just getting to know, coupled with finding it difficult to get buses into Northallerton to see Julia, left Ryan feeling isolated and depressed.

He was in regular contact with Laura Wright, the Broadacres Housing Officer arranging his move, but whilst she was trying her hardest to speed up the process, it couldn’t come fast enough in Ryan’s troubled mental state.

So, one day he decided that it would be easier for Julia and their children to get housed if he was no longer here, so he crushed up the medication he received for his mental health and mixed it into some blackcurrant, intending to end his life later that day.

Just prior to this he had sent Laura an email and there was something in the language he used that didn’t seem right to her, so she immediately contacted him and told him to ring Simon Grundy, who is part of Broadacres’ Mental Health Support Team. Ryan recalls one of the first words he said to Simon was “help” and within minutes Simon had reached out to the mental health crisis team and Ryan was admitted to hospital that same day.

Ryan then received the support he needed and speaking months later about the events which led to him almost taking his own life, he is full of praise for those who helped to bring him back from the brink.

He says: “In 2016 I was diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder having for some time suffered with stress, depression and anxiety.

“Being put on medication and living in Somerset where everything was familiar, and I had existing support networks helped me to keep my mental health in check.

“So, to then move so far away to start a new life and to then not be able to get immediately into the home we were expecting, really hit me hard.

“I found myself living with people that were still strangers to me, sleeping on a sofa bed, bringing up a young child and feeling isolated from Julia. I also felt unable to use any of the coping strategies that had previously helped me, so my mental health deteriorated to the point I thought everyone would be better off without me.

“If Laura hadn’t recognised the stress in my email and had Simon not then answered my call, I don’t think I would be here to share my story.”

Since he started receiving the support he needed, Ryan has now moved into his Broadacres home with Julia and their children. He has taken up running, which he looks on as therapy, and in September he will run in the Great North Run to raise funds and awareness for the mental health charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably).

He has also become a Host at The Living Rooms, a community-based initiative in Northallerton town centre which gives people in mental distress a ‘safe place’ to go to be alone, have a chat or take part in activities.

Ryan recognises that his mental ill health will never go away, but he wants to make people aware of the support which is available.

He says: “You can never say that life is great because things do go wrong and everybody suffers with their mental health in one form or another.

“It’s about recognising the triggers that can tip the balance and coming up with coping strategies that can help you when you get low and knowing there are organisations like Broadacres who are here to help.

“You may think you’re alone, but you’re not, so just talk. Talk to a loved one, a friend, even a stranger or find somewhere like The Living Rooms where you can come in and not be judged.
“There’s no magic wand. Things may never be the same, but they will get better.”